Monthly Archives: November 2009

Who is Your Favorite Heck Character?

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Where the Bad Kids Go Blog FAQ

1. What is the Where the Bad Kids Go Blog?

Think of it like a reality TV show, except only online, and without all the prize money and you read it and it isn’t anywhere near as exciting, yet all of the contestants walk away with their dignity (to some degree, that is: we can’t promise anything).

2. Who can post to the Where the Bad Kids Go Blog?

Anyone. As long as you are fascinating but don’t necessarily assume that you are fascinating, because that, in turn, renders you less than fascinating.

3. What happens when I die?

Your “you-ness” will expire, but your subjective self will cease to exist as well, meaning that you will not mourn your own loss, as there will be no ego apparatus left to note your own passing. Your corporeal self will decompose to the base elements out of which it arose, nourishing insects, small animals, soil, vegetation, and countless forms of bacteria. Some other stuff happens too, but I couldn’t really make it out, what with the brilliant tunnel of light and beckoning relatives.

4. If Tonto and Kato were to have a fight to the death, who would win?

This would truly be an exciting contest, as both combatants would bring unique skills and rich cultural traditions to the ring. Tonto has the proud blood of the Native American coursing through his veins and a resourcefulness reflective of his people and their relationship to the Earth. Kato is an expert in a variety of martial arts and, as the Green Hornet’s sidekick, has a shrewd understanding of modern-day battle techniques. Yet after several minutes of fierce combat, both Tonto and Kato would soon realize that it is the White Man who has organized this blood struggle, and – after a brief discussion of strategy – the two would band together, waging a ferocious circus of slaughter against the well-heeled, principally Caucasian attendees of the Great Fight.

5. What is the goal of the Where the Bad Kids Go Blog?

To bring people together, to foster harmony and delight, to showcase the latest, greatest happenings in the (under)world of Heck, to entertain with a vengeance, and to find a cure for the common pancake. (I guess that is more than just one goal. Sorry.)

6. Is bringing a child into this world selfish and cruel?

Considering the swollen world population, the degenerative spiral of civilization in general and the inevitability of global catastrophe…nah, kids are fun and cool. The more the merrier!

7. What is the best way to clean a deer?

The best way to clean a deer is to casually mention to your hunting companion that you thought you saw the deer ingest several diamonds. By morning, your deer should be cleaned and, if there are indeed any diamonds in the pile of entrails, take them and assume a new identity.

8. When is the Where the Bad Kids Go Blog updated?

Seldom.

9. Why do I keep tasting almonds?

You have either just eaten almonds or still have trace amounts of undigested almond on or about your gums, causing mysterious flavor. If you haven’t eaten almonds recently, perhaps the part of your brain that remembers flavor is more highly- developed than that of the average person, and you are experiencing an acute almond “flashback.” The most likely cause, however, is that a close friend, family member or caregiver is trying to poison you.

10. What’s that smell?

Don’t look at me.

Due to the Thanksgiving Holiday…

…this blog will be closed. Please return during normal business hours. Thank you for visiting this blog.

Pics and Ponderings from Mr. Prutch

Hi Dale,

It was so much fun going to your reading and I got there right when you started the Mad Libs.
Thanks for signing my books now they ROCK even more then before.

Oh and I have been working on this:
(\_/)
( ‘_’)
(> )>o I was going to give you a Heck book
U..U

….(\_/)
….(‘_’ )
.o<( <) But then i was like…
….U..U

…(\_/)
.(O__O)
. (>o<) I LIKE HECK BOOKS!!!
. U….U

(\_/)
( ‘_’)
(> )>o Then i said: sharing is good….
U..U

….(\_/)
….(‘_’ )
.o<( <) But then i was like…
….U..U

…(\_/)
.(O__O)
. (>o<) ITS MY HECK BOOK!!!
. U….U

.(\_/)
(^-^)
(> <) so I read it!
.U..U

Cool huh?

From your number 1 fan,
Wyatt Prutch

A Children’s Place (4807 NE Fremont Street)…tomorrow (Sunday). 3 PM. Reading someone else’s book.

Yep, I’ll be there reading a chapter from David Slater’s Book of Knowledge. Aloud.